Of Blue Swords, God’s Sovereignty, and TCKs

I’ve always been a fan of fantasy literature. Some of my fondest memories growing up revolve around the evenings my family would spent listening to my dad read books aloud to us. It was even better if the electricity was out, and it was winter, so we’d read by candlelight and near the kerosene heater wrapped up in quilts. While my dad read a wide variety of books to us, my favorite authors ended up being C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Jules Verne. I remember my brother and I impatiently telling our dad to stop weeping every time he read the part about Aslan’s death: he already knew he would rise from the dead! We wanted to hear the rest of the story! I also remember one afternoon, when my mom had left the house for language study, taking a chair into my parent’s bedroom so I could reach The Two Towers, left on top of their dresser. Gandalf had been dead too long; surely he couldn’t have actually died. I must have been nine at the time, and stood on the chair skimming the book (yes, skimming, a skill that I have yet to really be good at in grad school) until I found the paragraph where Gandalf makes his re-appearance. I remember not reading much—just a sentence where Gandalf actually said something to the hobbits—slammed the book shut and put it back on the dresser, content to wait until we got to that part of the book for the rest.

When I was old enough, I re-read the works by Lewis and Tolkien, and discovered other stories by them too: Farmer Giles of Ham, Smith of Wooten Major, Leaf by Niggle, a translation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the Screwtape Letters, and Perelandra. I also discovered other fantasy writers along the way. A few of my favorites have become: Robin McKinley, Madeleine L’Engle (to an extent), Gail Carson Levine, and Philip Pullman (maybe more on why I like his works later). The themes that go through so many of these works resonated not only with my experience as a Christian, but also as a TCK (Third Culture Kid, a far more descriptive term than “Missionary Kid”). One of my favorite characters recently has been Harry Crewe from McKinley’s The Blue Sword.

A quick synopsis for those of you who haven’t read it: Harry Crewe, an orphaned Outlander girl (probably about 16 or 17 in the book) goes to live with her older brother’s army commander and his wife at a station on the edge of a colonized territory (“Outlanders” are equivalent to the British in several ways here). Across the border is Damar, a place the Outlanders don’t understand and see as strange; rumor has it that it’s a magical land but any rational person would know that’s just impossible. In a quick succession of events, Harry is kidnapped by King Corlath of Damar, and she goes on to become the next bearer or Gonturan, the legendary Blue Sword that has not been wielded in centuries but has saved the kingdom previously from invasion by the dreaded Northerners (think Mordor).

A few of my favorite passages include:

• (after a decisive battle) They avoided the fort of the Outlander town, lying peacefully in the sun, untroubled by the tiresome tribal matters of the old Damarians. The Outlanders had known al along there were too few of the Hillfolk to make serious trouble; and if the earth had shivered slightly underfoot a few days ago, (after Harry had in fact brought down a mountain on the invading Northern army) it must be that the mountains were not as old as they thought, and were still shifting and straining against their place upon the earth. Perhaps a little volcanic activity would crack a new vein of wealth, and the Aeel Mines would no longer be the only reason the Outlanders went into the Ramid Mountains. To have this paragraph at the end of the major battle scene where you’ve been informed of all the fantastic details just made me deflated and mad at the stupid Outlanders. But it made me think: how many times have people in our day and age cited “natural” causes for things that have happened because of God’s supernatural intervention? To believe the things they can only see with their physical eyes? And if they can’t naturally explain what they see with those eyes, dismiss the event or experience entirely?
• "There was never a chance of that, my dear, [getting the Outlanders to actually fight the invading Northern army, something they were very capable of doing; however, the trouble was they didn’t believe the army to be a threat, even if it existed] believe me,” replied Jack. “You are attempting to be logical, I suspect, and logic has little to do with the government, and nothing at all to do with military administration” This passage just makes me smile every time I read it. So unfortunately true on too many accounts.
• …the sense of dislocation was almost a physical thing, like a stomachache or a sore throat; but Jack’s words now eased and the sore place a little. The bridge could stretch to cross this chasm, perhaps, after all. Throughout the book, Harry deals with the feeling that she is between worlds, or of both worlds but having ownership of neither. This puts her in a position of bridging two separate sides of a chasm, causing both sides question her loyalties, motivations, cultural bearing, and at times, sanity. I find the physical strain she experiences interesting, because too many times I’ve had that feeling as a TCK. Apart from the physical dislocation felt in getting over jet-lag or re-adjusting to a different diet, there’s sometimes a physical soreness that comes when you realize that you’ll always be missing a place or someone, and that you can never completely call one place “home.” Its easy to question God’ sovereignty and control over not only your circumstances at this point, but also what kind of vessel He’s shaping you into. In my own case, I wondered if He hadn’t made some mistakes. But comfort comes when you realize that you’re not the only one who feels this way, and God brings people into your life with the right things to say at the right time, reminding you that you’re still in His sovereign plan, the work He’s doing on you is not a mistake and is in fact, good.
• I’m missing what I don’t have, she thought…Its nothing to do with what I should be homesick for…its that I don’t belong here. It doesn’t matter that I’m getting burned as dark as they are, that I can sit on a horse all day and not complain. It doesn’t matter even that their Water of Sight works in me as it does in only a few of their own. It is only astonishing that it would work on one not of the Hills; it does not make that one any more of the Hills… I found this passage to be resonant of the definition of a TCK found in David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken’s book entitled Third Culture Kids—the experience of growing up among worlds: “A TCK is an individual who, after having spent a significant part of the developmental years in a culture other than that of their parents, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having full ownership in any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience.” Put simply, there’s always the question, hanging uncomfortably over one’s head, concerning cultural identity: “where do I belong?”

Many of the themes found in fantasy literature also involve eternity, being part of something bigger, and walking by faith. These easily mix with the TCK theme, and the existence that many of us have come to have (I’ve had too many conversations with my fellow TCKs concerning all this that I think I can speak safely for them in this matter). It’s a lot to juggle, and can be overwhelming at times. Thankfully, we serve a Savior who makes the burden light.

A Ten-Year Honeymoon

After the English language service at Patan Church, chia (milk tea with sugar and spices) is served at the back of the auditorium. It’s a legitimate excuse for people to linger, chat, and fellowship after the service. There’s no lack of interesting people to talk to. Over half of those who come are Nepali college students or young career people, the rest are tourists, missionaries, diplomats, UN workers, and businessmen that come from any obscure country you can think of. I came with seven of my hostel mates, and while we stayed within arms-length of each other (yes, we are all girls—we do stick together!) we ended up all talking to various people.

I ended up in a conversation circle with a guy named Ryan. He and his wife have been in Nepal for the past ten years, working with orphans and female victims of trafficking. They are involved in all stages, from taking the children off the streets or rescuing the girls to schooling them, housing them, providing vocational training, and the like. How did they become involved in such work?

“I’m originally from Calcutta; my wife is ethnically Nepali but grew up in India. We met at a YWAM arts training seminar, married, and came to Nepal for our honeymoon. Once we got here though, we felt God calling us to stay and work here. So, here we are, ten years later…still on our honeymoon!”

This comment made me smile—a lot. Interacting with my church family here, I have been confronted again with their passion for their Savior. It has been like opening a furnace and being singed by flames. It’s made me examine my own life, revealing ways I’ve “eclipsed the Son,” (thank you Rick Holland!), become lukewarm, or allowed myself to become too comfortable. Here are a few slices:

• The elder who led the service at my Nepali church two weeks ago hammered home the principle of Malachi 3:10, challenging congregants not just to tythe their financial resources, but their time too. In this same service, the pastor spent a lot of time discussing suffering, focusing on the sovereignty of God and how we can trust Him in the midst of trials. Talk about preaching to the choir on both accounts! Since, I grew up in this church, I know that many of the congregants give $2 at most for their tythe a week, and have had trials ranging from extended sickness and spouses working abroad, to persecution from Hindu family members and planting churches in some spiritually dark areas of the country. While some of these are similar to things we face in the States, much of it is compounded by the poverty situation too many of them are in. While they acknowledge that it’s hard, the hope they have in Christ shines through all their actions, and doesn’t take away their joy or their willingness to love other people with the resources with which God has blessed them. Their boisterous singing (which takes up a good hour of the service) is evidence of that!
• When I stopped by SWM—the school I worked at last summer—Nelson happened to be working in the office. His church also has an English language worship service, which I was able to attend regularly last summer. I asked general questions about what had been happening at SWM since I’d been gone, but in addition he updated me on the AWANA ministry at his church, the Putalisadak English language service, and the new youth centre (targeted at adolescent boys to keep them off the streets) he and some of the other young men at his church are now involved in. I had been informed of plans for such a center last summer, so it was good to hear how these plans had begun to come to fruition. I was reminded again about how impressed I had been with the attitude of the teachers and members of SWM: that their service is an outpouring of gratefulness to a God who loves them. What less would they give in response to so radical a love?
• I’ve been reconnecting with many of the missionaries that I grew up around, but instead of being the sassy-and-shy MK, I’m now their office mate or fellow alto section member (yes, I’ve joined a choir; more on that later!). I’ve received the Reg-digested version of the history of Western missions (complete with its entanglements in colonialism), and begun to hear more of his personal stories (he’s had more than a few adventures). In the course of making another point, he recalled a conversation he had with the village headman about 20 years ago when his family first arrived in Nepal. “I told the guy, ‘Right, bideshis [foreigners] get sick and die just like Nepalis. If that happens, where do we get buried?’ He showed me, and that was the end of that.” Later, I had the passing thought such a conversation should be part of grad school orientation or printed in the graduate handbook, but my immediate thought was “wow…most people don’t see the possibility of death as part of the mission’s package anymore.”

These are just a few of the passing moments I’ve had with people that God has used to make me stop and think about my own response to His glory, love, and sacrifice on my behalf. While there are areas that I’ve certainly grown in this past year, I can recall too many selfish decisions or missed opportunities to act in joyful obedience as well. The fact of the matter is, there is a God who, for reasons I can’t entirely fathom, desires communion with me, His creation, and has done some incredibly radical things to make that possible. I haven’t always responded to the invitations to love Him in return. While its inevitable that I’ll continue to fail in this area, there’s grace to cover this, and its no excuse not to respond.

So, please pray that:
~ God will continue to reveal sin in my life, and that I’ll continue to confess and renounce it.
~ I would look forward to and guard my own daily time with God, and not give in to laziness
~ I would step out in faith and take the opportunities God has given me to love people while I’m here.

Back to life behind the tiger cage

Mornings are a happening time in my neighborhood. The monkeys and peacocks scream for breakfast (my friend Laura actually heard them when we skpyed this morning!), and the tiger roars for his/hers. While there is a very tall wall between the tiger’s cage and the outside world, if Kathmandu ever experiences another severe earthquake (as it did in the early 20th century), that wall will come tumbling down and that tiger will be on the loose. Perhaps the hostel could petition the government for an exception to their arms law....

Not too much has changed since I last left Nepal. Reg, one of the people I am working with, met me at the airport and said that, in a week’s time, it will feel like I never left. That much I have found true. Apart from the consistency of hungry zoo animals, the city is still just as busy, just as dirty, and just as adherent to its own form of common sense (which, as anthropologist Clifford Geertz reminds us, is cultural sense, not common). For example, when I purchased a SIM card for my cell phone, I had to provide the names of my father and grandfather, as well as my photograph and both my thumbprints (in addition to a copy of my visa). When purchasing items from different floors of a local supermarket, I had to make transactions on each floor; I couldn’t bring all my items to one counter.

I was able to walk into my church today without causing much more of a stir than “you’re back! How long for? Eight months?! That’s wonderful!!” Subtle things have changed. Like, Amit and Anu’s (the pastor’s son and son’s wife, both with whom I grew up) little girl is now MUCH bigger, and Amos and Anita (more friends from church) now have their daughter, Angel, who is going on ten months next week. Ramesh, Niran, Anish, Sunil and Arun are the boys I left them—I got a whispered “jaimashee” from Arun (more words than he gave me last time), Niran asking if Robert (my own younger brother) is as fat as he was last year, Ramesh asking all the obvious and silly questions just to get my Nepali flowing again, and their mom alternating between complaining how lazy they are and how well they’re now doing in school (three have now graduated high school and are studying at local colleges).

It felt good to be back in Nepali church again. Pastor Samuel spoke on 1 Peter 4:1-11 today. My own pastor in the States, Milton Vincent, preached on this passage last week, so it was interesting to hear my Nepali pastor preach on it. He had two big points to make: one on suffering and one on prayer. Pastor Milton’s had been all about prayer. Samuel however said maybe three sentences about prayer to wrap up his sermon; the majority of it focused on suffering. In talking about suffering, he emphasized that this was our lot as Christians, that God’s character remained good and sovereign no matter our circumstances, and that often, our sufferings are ordained by God to prune us make us more fruitful for His kingdom.

Tomorrow: English service at Patan Church. This coming week: Nepali lessons begin, and more steady work with the NGO. Stay tuned!

A few first impressions on Twilight

...well, I've thought about them a little, but they're still kind of fresh, so not as eloquent as I'd like them to be.

I began reading Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series mainly because I wanted to make my own informed decision about the series as it has come up in numerous conversations over the past two years. Main motivating factor though: my own mother decided to read the series (Mom, you never cease to surprise me in your current tastes on pop culture...especially since you raised me in such a "sheltered" environment), and her take on the work (including her first-hand experience of the pop culture surrounding it!) had me curious.

So, here are a few things that have stood out to me:

1) Its incredibly verbose, and not that well written. I was perplexed how this thing got printed for a while, until a friend pointed out that the publisher knew they had a money-maker--a new JK Rowling--so gave the author "carte blanche." My friend also experienced frustration with the "over-dramatics and repetition" of the writing, especially when these things should have been picked up by an editor.
2) Its romantically drippy at several points--to the point that I sometimes feel like I'm reading porn and have to skim a few pages. Yes, Bella, I know that you're inflamed over Edward's body. Thanks for the head's up. Spare me the details?
3) Some of the themes really surprised me. Such as...
a. Edward's high priority on marriage. His idea of marriage may have been "old fashioned" to Bella, who had a hard time joining the concept with her love for Edward, but it was neat to see, at the marriage ceremony itself, how much she ended up changing her mind about it. It began as just a motion to please Edward, and Alice who wanted to plan it, but by the end, she seemed to realize that marriage fit her exact desire to commit to being with Edward (in this case for eternity). The light bulb finally went off that commitment and marriage went together.
b. Bella's pregnancy, and her decision to see it through despite the possible consequence of her death was something that surprised me. While Edward and Carlisle might have done it differently, Bella decided that she wanted the baby no matter what it might cost her. I found it to be a very pro-life stance. Especially when Edward was able to have two way communication with the fetus before birth; that seemed to be quite a case for life in the womb. Even before Bella's pregnancy however, the sacredness of life was an evident theme. Carlisle seemed to be especially attuned to how precious life is, and this shows through in the way he practices his profession as a doctor. His desire to save the surrendered newborn vampire in "Eclipse" from destruction spoke to that.
c. With the culture that has grown up around these books and movies, the themes of marriage as a good thing (and getting married young to boot), and Bella's pro-life stance, don't seem to be present. The whole "team Edward" or "team Jacob" thing is more prevalent. I'd be curious to know if there has been any flare-up from feminist writers/critiques concerning this, since it flies in the face of the ideas concerning pro-choice and marriage-as-bondage (especially since Bella did marry right out of high school).
d. There's a lot of attention paid to eternity, and a transformed bodily state. Bella's own transformation into a vampire and experience as a "newborn" echoed so many Biblical themes on our own transformed state as Christians, and the transformations we have yet to experience. Her awareness of her new agility, strength, sharpened senses, and newfound beauty--yet also realizing that she' still Bella--brought to mind the passages in the Bible that speak about transformed bodies after the resurrection. It made me think of Christ's resurrected body (John 20:19 to 29, and Revelation 1:9 to 17, then 19:11 to 21) and how God will transform our bodies (Philippians 3:21).

So, I'm now on page 525 of 754...things like lesson planning, grant and scholarship applications, and prepping for Nepal, and going to bed at a decent hour will have priority again soon...

Thoughts on CJ's messages from Resolved

I've begun to re-listen to the messages from Resolved and go over my notes to think further on the impressions made on me at the conference. So many people have asked me which speaker or message is my "favorite," and I think I've given as many answers as people who have asked me. I don't think I'm being untruthful in giving different answers--I think each of the messages appealed, spoke or convicted me in different ways; in that light which is my "favorite" is kind of an irrelevant question.

CJ's messages caught my attention first because he chose passages and subjects that have been part of my own journey in many ways. Take the story of the demon possessed man in Mark 5 for example. I'm more familiar with the story from Luke 8, as I was studying that Gospel when my family was in the process of moving back to the States during the winter of 2000-2001. This process brought to the forefront my struggle of locating "home." In a nutshell, my passport said I was an American citizen, yet I had spent my formative years outside of United States culture. My experience of America, being an American, even what I thought of and how I viewed the Church and Christianity, was different than my peers in the United States. Yet, I was not Nepali--my skin tone proved that at a superficial level; my movement in and out of Nepal and preclusion from experiencing the same social and familial pressures as Nepali friends was another. This struggle to identify "home" is one that all of my MK friends have dealt with, to different extremes. While I did not feel isolated in my struggle, the process and outcome for any of us would be unique, since we all had different cultural backgrounds and experiences in Nepal.

When I was going through Luke's Gospel, I was--no joke--asking God why He was sending my family back to such a heathen land as the United States. He was asking me to leave the comfort and support of my church family (the Nepali church we had been a part of our entire time there), the missionary community, and living in a familiar culture in which I was comfortable maneuvering. Why the heck would He ask me such a thing?! (the irony of these questions not come to my mind until several months later, when I realized that these were the questions many Western missionaries ask when they are called to another country). My answer came in Luke 8: 39, where Jesus tells the now released man, "Return home and tell how much God has done for you." The response of the man was one I stared at for a long time: "So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him." This was the beginning of widening my concept of missions and the Great Commission: contending for the Gospel is something we do no matter where God calls us to live, or whether we're on a mission board or not. Its the essence of our Christian walk on earth. While God still had much to do in this area, I was able to return to the States with the comfort that God had not altered my calling, just the location and context in which that calling was to be lived out.

The closing statements of CJ's message were apt: such passages as Mark 5 (or Luke 8 in my case) don't just exist so we can rejoice in what God does for us, but to provoke us to tell others at home what God has done for us. We are to tell it humbly, not self-righteously, and invite others to discover the same saving Gospel.

CJ's second message was taken from the book of Jude; his purpose in preaching this was to prepare us for "re-entry" into the real world. Ok, so within that first minute of preaching, CJ had not only picked a book that had been instrumental in introducing me to reformed theology, but had decided to use a term that is much used in missionary circles. "Re-entry" is used to describe the return to live in one's "home" culture. In my case, it was returning to live in the United States. While "re-entry" is often a very traumatic process for MKs (I can attest), it is trying on adults as well, especially if they're returning to the place where they lived and worked before going overseas. People expect them to be the same, but changes have inevitably occurred, and they often don't view things or live the same way as before. In an ironic (and self-righteous) way, returning "home" can feel like "living in the world, but not of it." As much as you may give presentations and talk about your experience of being a part of God's work in other parts of the world, etc, others (including other Christians) may not "get it."

CJ's thought on using this term was to give us some practical ways to apply all that we had learned that weekend. He divided the book up into four parts: verses 1 and 2, where sovereign grace is on full display; verses 3 to 19, to contend for the faith; verses 20 to 23, to contend for the faith in our own heart; and verses 24 and 25, the confidence in the kindness of God. In the course of his talk, CJ highlighted the fact that we need to keep ourselves in the love of God, and we do that by saturating ourselves with the Gospel. Yet, in living in the "real world," we can be confident that, though we experience trials, we will be brought home and kept from stumbling--"finish well"--by the grace of God. It is He who ultimately sustains us. CJ's chat about "spiritual sinkholes" just before ending his message was a good example of this: God's love is fixed and remains, even though we may have failed in a variety of areas, and is ever under us, holding us up. God only knowns how deep some of my own sinkholes have been, and His love has been there every time.

In short, CJ's messages were continuations of subjects that I have been thinking about for a long time. It was good to "revisit" these passages and concepts, and see how far God has developed my thought on them. At the same time it was a reminder that I'm still a work in progress, that I still have much to learn when it comes to the Gospel, God's character, being part of the body of Christ, and what this all looks like lived out day-to-day in the "real" world. I was encouraged however to keep pressing onwards..."further up and further in" as CS Lewis says.

For those interested in listening to these messages, they can be found at the Resolved conference website: www.resolved. org

A few thoughts from Resolved

Worshiping God corporately in a large body of fellow believers is always a bitter-sweet experience for me. At one end of the spectrum, I'm with believers who I personally know, and I have the privilege of joining my voice with theirs. I have the added blessing of joining my voice with numerous brothers and sisters whom I don't know personally, but with whom I share a bond through Christ. At Resolved--the weekend-long conference I just returned from--there was the added dimension of singing hymns (in a new musical "dressing") that had been penned by Christians before me, so there was the sense of adding my voice to a that of a body of believers that spanned time and space.

At the other end however, its hard not to think of those that are, at the time, absent from me. I think of people with whom I've sung these songs before, of other such sessions where I was with different people. I am separated from some of these friends because of distance--they live in other countries, in other parts of the States, were busy that weekend so could not attend the conference with me--some I already know to be with our Lord. This separation hurts--sometimes to the point of it being physical--and it is then that a longing for heaven sets in that can be painful. For while I know that this setting--worshiping God together with a large number of believers--is a taste of heaven, I am very aware that is it NOT heaven. A distance still remains, between me and the people I love who are not there, and by the fact that I am still walking in faith and not seeing my God with sight. It is in heaven where I will not be plagued by imminent good-byes that will put distance between me and others as I fellowship and enjoy the time I have with them presently. Usually at this time, hymns that speak of death are sweet. I've had friends and acquaintances who find such hymns morbid, or unhealthy and disquieting, but it is at points like these where they offer hope. I'm reminded that this time, too, will pass, and the passing only hastens the time when heaven will be reality, and distance will no longer be an issue--between me, other believers, and our God.

With these thoughts coursing through my mind on Friday night before Rick Holland got up to speak, it was appropriate that his sermon was on God's transcendence and imminence, and how the two are held equally yet create a tension in how we deal with God. If He's so far, yet so near, how do we relate to such a Being? One of the verses he drew from was Jeremiah 23:24, "Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the LORD." This is a verse that I have struggled with in the past, in that, it has brought me both comfort and frustration. I came across it when my family was in the process of moving back to the States in late 2000. At one point, I knew that what I left behind was in God's care, and no one I loved was outside of His grip. I could trust them to His hand. At the same time, He would be there in the States, and was in fact preparing already for my family's "re-entry." However, there were days where, overcome by not understanding what was going on around me, or able to deal with feelings of grief inside me, it was hard to comprehend God's sovereignty in the situation and in my life. I in fact succumbed to many of these feelings, and threw God's love, goodness and sovereignty "out the window" for several years. It was then that I think I was more frustrated by the knowledge that I couldn't hide from God when I wanted to, and knew that He was ever near when I wanted Him to be far away.

I thought Rick Holland's assessment of the book of Job as a book that struggles with the tension between God's imminence and transcendence was a succinct one. My pastor in Roanoke did a series on the book of Job, which I benefited from a lot--through it, I came to better understand why I went through the phases of depression that I did, and how God's grace is still at work in those times--and Rick's summary added to that knowledge. How am I, a being bound by physical space and time, finite, to relate to a God who is infinite, an not bound in the ways I am?

Rick's final point was one that I need to ponder more: it is through Jesus Christ, the mystery of the divine incarnation, that I commune and relate to, God. The book of Hebrews has been one I have returned to again and again, because it is there that I have found the picture of Jesus as divine mediator, both man and God, to be very vivid. This book was reference throughout the conference, but Rick's chosen verse was 1 Timothy 2:5 "For there is one God,and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus..." It was a great introduction to the focus of the rest of the conference, as well as a reminder that God hasn't forgotten the questions and issues with which I still struggle.

TTD#4: relaxing!

"Relaxing" in this case means "being productive when I want to be." I've been busy stuffing support envelopes for the fall (more on that later), reading ISV orientation materials, and trying to decide on a textbook to use for the world music class I'll be teaching in August, but, in between all this, I've been watching a lot of movies. Most of them have been Star Wars. Some have been better, or as bad, as I remembered them, but the most fun I've had in re-watching these has been reliving all the memories they've brought back.

I have a brief memory of seeing scenes from the original Star Wars movie ("A New Hope") when my family lived in Thomaston (so this would have been before age 7): I just remember that Darth Vader was out to get Princes Leia, which was just upsetting. When my family came back to the States on our first home assignment, I watched the original series with my brother, Robert, and Aunt Nancy over three nights at my Grandma Bliss's house. Then, we got the bright idea to do a marathon, staying up ALL NIGHT to watch these three back-to-back. For a ten-year-old and a seven-year-old, this was quite an adventure. I remember that we ordered Papa John's Hawaiian pizza, and had M&M's and Dr. Pepper as snacks to eat during the movie. However, I fell asleep just minutes into "Return of the Jedi," (it was about 1 AM by then).

The all-night Star Wars marathon became a tradition that Aunt Nancy, Robert and I kept every time my family would return to the States (which was every two-or-three years). I was finally able to stay up all night during our second home assignment (when I was 13). During this time "home," the new "Episode 1" came out in theatres (1999). My family went and saw it twice. Robert and I were enthralled by it, my parents decided to watch it again just to double-check that it was really that bad. When Episodes II and III came out in subsequent years, my family went to theatres to see them, but by that time, we were all in agreement that other than the droids, there was no character development or real personality in the other characters, the script was cliche or stereotypical, and the acting just sucked. Nevertheless, we continued to do the occasional Star Wars marathon when we visited my aunt, and began adding the new episodes as they came out on DVD. We have yet to actually do a six-episode marathon however.

Re-watching these films (and downing M&M's while doing so), I have laughed at their cheesiness (this includes the original trilogy), enjoyed the richness of the visual provided and the cinematography, and continued to roll my eyes at some of the sucky acting. Nevertheless, the human emotions portrayed are ones that we deal with everyday: who doesn't struggle with anger or hate, make split-second reckless decisions, or blunder through the intricacies and complications of emotional attachments? After my family came out of the theatre from watching "Episode II" for the first time, we all had the same conclusion: Anakin Skywalker needed Christ! (that opinion was even stronger after seeing "Episode III"). I also remember thinking afterwards about my own tendencies to sin, try to save or fix myself, and become defeated by my own nature in the endeavor. At that point, I was glad that I lived in a universe where a savior existed, and who was, and is, completely able to do what I could not--defeat and eradicate my sin! Watching these films again has brought back these contemplations--which are good things to think about.

TTD#3: exercise!

Two of my colleagues did manage to train for, run (and finish!) the LA marathon last March, but, I haven't been as diligent in moving my body. My exercise only consisted of walking to and from my parked car, carting books back and forth from the library and music grad office, and occasionally going up the hill behind the library to the grad division to sign papers or get someone's signature. Knowing that this was not exactly the healthiest thing, Catherine (a fellow grad student at UCR as well as a friend from church) and I have made it a point to hike Mt, Rubidoux, a good size "bump" on the edge of Riverside, at least three times a week. We have two motivations for this: to get exercise and to get out of bed in the morning (instead of sleeping in till 10AM, since we don't have solid work/school schedules anymore). So, she's been coming over to my place to pick me up at 6:30AM, and we've been up and down the mountain by 7:45AM, and home by 8AM, ready to be productive the rest of our day. So far, its worked really well (if any of you are in the R'side area and would like to join us, just let us know; we'd be happy to have more company)!

TTD#2: fellowship!

Don't get me wrong--I learned and grew a lot during this past academic year. But, graduate school has a tendency to consume your life, which meant that it was very difficult for me to keep in touch with people who I wasn't seeing in a school or work setting everyday! I was also doing a lot of performances, teaching, and participating in conferences, so I ended up not being able to attend care group or Friday night Bible study for most of the winter and spring quarters, just because I was double-booked too many times. Emailing or calling friends in other places, much less traveling to see ones that are as near as Ventura, just didn't happen.

So, since school has been out, I've begun to spend more time with peeps. So far, its meant lunch out to a newly discovered Indian/Pakistani restaurant (that makes three of these places on Blaine Street alone!), two coffee dates with various girlfriends, a movie night at my place, and long phone conversations with friends in other parts of the country!

I returned a call I received from Lauren, one of my roommates from college, early on Tuesday morning. Lauren and I try to stay in touch, but this usually means a phone conversation every six to eight months. Talking to her is always encouraging. She's always been very frank with me about challenges she's had in life, and the ways that God is using them to mature her relationship with Him, with other people, and as a person. Right now, she's engaged to be married to a wonderful man this coming July, and as she told me about their courtship, it was neat to see how God was putting together certain "puzzle pieces" in her life. I don't know her fiance, but from what I knew of her heart, desires, and things she's been through in the past, it was neat to see how God has prepared her for this relationship. Hearing about other people's spiritual walks always makes me examine my own, and look again to see how much God has blessed me. But talking to Lauren, as well as certain other close friends of mine, often reveals where I might be putting God in a box, so to speak. I've come to appreciate both kinds of "spiritual sharpening."

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

TTD#1: cleaning!

One of the first questions people have asked me, when I tell them I'm now DONE with my MA, is "what are you going to do with all your free time now?" Well, right now, I'm cleaning. I returned 50+ books to the library yesterday (Thomas had one suitcase, I had another), pitched a whooole bunch of paper that I no longer needed and organized all those annotated articles into their respective 3-ring binders. The binders are now stored in wine boxes--they're good and sturdy, great for storing books and notebooks. My room, and the one next to mine that I took over, are now dusted, vacuumed, and mopped as well. I still have a few random items left to find a home for...